It's Time for the U.S. to Take Developmental Justice Seriously

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The U.S. ranks among the worst in developed nations in which to raise children. Its poor performance is both alarming and consistent. But as the new U.S. administration goes to work, there are flickering signs that America’s children may start to get the care and respect they deserve. The Biden-Harris Administration is proposing a combination of emergency relief and permanent policies that are long overdue, albeit a drop in the bucket. But they’re significant and evidence-based, and they may begin to help us catch up with the more supportive ways other countries treat their children.

Policies and the beliefs and values they telegraph comprise a systemic approach to children, just as they do for any demographic, e.g. gender, ethnicity, ability, etc. And historically, children are late to the justice table. For most of human history, children were not seen as fully human until they could work, and even then, it was legal to abuse, enslave, and even kill them. They were considered objects—property to do with as one pleased. Some children were targeted more than others, including girls, the poor, immigrants, indigenous, and black children. In the U.S., child labor wasn’t outlawed until 1938; child abuse became illegal in 1974. Surgeries on babies were routinely performed without analgesics as late as the 1980s, as babies were deemed insufficiently evolved to feel pain—a belief refuted with data only in 1986.

The U.S. is progressing, but we lag far behind the rest of developed countries in elevating our children to the status and protection they deserve.

The most glaring example is our singular refusal among all UN member nations to sign the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC). The UNCRC is a legally binding international agreement that acknowledges the basic human civil, political, economic, social, and cultural rights of children. The UNCRC maintains that children are “entitled to special care and assistance” because of their developmental status and decrees that governments should hold “the best interests of the child” central to all of their decision-making. The Convention includes 54 articles detailing the following children’s rights: to survive, develop, be educated, and cared for; to be protected from violence, war, abuse or neglect; and to have a voice in matters that affect them. Why has the U.S. refused to ratify the document? Largely because Republican senators have consistently blocked it, claiming that it will undermine the sovereignty of the American family. I think we can safely conclude that this is not an actual problem, as 196 countries have successfully governed by the UNCRC for decades.

 How do U.S. children fare compared to children in other countries?

  • Spending on families. According to The Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), the U.S. ranks 34th out of 38 OECD countries in the percentage of GDP spent on family benefits. The OECD average is 2.4%, and while some Western and Northern European countries spend 3.5%, the U.S. spends less than 1.5%.

Source: OECD

Caregivers’ paid leave from work to take care of newborns or newly adopted children is critical for children’s good start in life, and it’s an important way governments support child development. Newborns literally need consistent access to their caregivers’ bodies to establish healthy regulatory systems for the rest of their lives. The U.S. is the only country among 41 OECD nations that does not provide paid leave (although five states and D.C. have enacted their own paid leave policies). By contrast, many other countries offer a full year, Estonia offers one and a half, and the smallest length of time offered by any OECD nation other than the U.S.  is two months.

 
 
  • Child poverty. The U.S. has the 10th highest child poverty rate of 42 OECD countries; nearly one third of our country’s citizens in poverty are children. Research shows that poverty in childhood undermines cognitive, social, and emotional development as well as educational and occupational achievement. Lyndon B. Johnson’s Great War on Poverty saw child poverty rates decline, but beginning with the Reagan administration, that trend reversed—for children much more than for other age groupsas the graph below shows. This disproportionate data should raise questions about why the U.S. has chosen to hold poverty rates down for adults but not for children.

  • Overall well-being. UNICEF ranks the U.S. 36th out of 38 rich countries on the overall well-being of children. This includes their mental health, physical health, and academic and social skills—where America ranks 32nd, 38th, and 32nd respectively out of 38 countries.

(If you’re interested in how children are faring in your state, Kids Count ranks individual U.S. states on various measures of well-being. In overall well-being, Massachusetts ranks first, New Mexico last, and California 34th.)

  • Child mortality rates. Globally, children under five have the highest mortality rates of anyone under the age of 75:

And the U.S., one of the most medically advanced countries in the world, ranks 34 out of 44 OECD countries on infant mortality. Black babies in the U.S. are more than twice as likely to die than white babies.

  • Corporal punishment. A worldwide movement is gaining traction to prohibit the corporal punishment of children in any setting. (Corporal punishment is the intentional use of physical force to cause pain or discomfort, or non-physical force that is cruel or degrading.) As of this writing, 61 countries have legally prohibited it in all settings, e.g., family, daycare, school, prisons, etc. In the U.S., though outright child abuse is unlawful, corporal punishment just shy of that mark is legal in all families and in schools in 19 states. (See here for the difference between corporal punishment and child abuse.) Hitting an adult is considered assault, but the legal use of corporal punishment with children is just one example of the ways that they are denied the relationship rights and protections afforded to grownups. Five decades of research on the spanking of children shows that it leads to poor outcomes, but as of 2016, two thirds of U.S. parents agree with the statement “Sometimes a child just needs a good, hard spanking.”

  • Gun violence. Children in the U.S. are 15 times more likely to die from gun violence than children in 31 other rich countries combined. Gunshot wounds are the second leading cause of death for children and teens in the U.S.; more children under five years of age died from gun violence in 2017 than law enforcement officers in the line of duty. Since 1963, more children and teens have died by gun than all the soldiers killed together in the Vietnam, Persian Gulf, Afghanistan, and Iraq wars. 

There are numerous other deeply disturbing statistics, but you can see the clear trend: The U.S. does not invest in its children like other developed nations. In his 2005 book Making Human Beings Human, influential developmental scientist Urie Bronfenbrenner writes:

America’s families, and their children, are in trouble, trouble so deep and pervasive as to threaten the future of our nation. The source of the trouble is nothing less than national neglect of children and…their parents (p. 211).

Laurence Steinberg a developmental scientist who studies teens, sounds a similar alarm in his 2015 book Age of Opportunity, Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence:

When a country’s adolescents trail much of the world on measures of school achievement, but are among the world’s leaders in violence, unwanted pregnancy, STDs,…binge drinking, marijuana use,…and unhappiness, it is time to admit that something is wrong with the way that country is raising its young people. That country is the United States (p. 1).

It’s time to rethink our rosy attitude about “American exceptionalism” and get real. America’s children are systematically undermined. We are only exceptional among nations in our ill treatment of them.

The political climate during the past four years was particularly hostile for children.

The last four years were brutal for children. Beginning with the 2016 presidential campaign, youth bullying spiked to around 70%—directly attributable to Donald Trump’s racist, sexist, and violent rhetoric, according to the Human Rights Campaign and the Southern Poverty Law Center.

The parent-child attachment relationship was targeted and weaponized by the anti-immigrant child separation policy. At least 5,400 children were systematically separated from their parents at the southern border, and at least 545 remain “lost” in the system, unable to be reunited with their families. This kind of separation is clearly known to cause toxic stress in children and alter the structure of their developing brains; it’s recognized by human rights organizations like Amnesty International, Physicians for Human Rights, and many more as a form of torture.

The Covid-19 pandemic layered on additional stress for the vulnerable: 700,000 children became uninsured, food insecurity spiked, and academic achievement disparities widened.  

In her book Childism (a term for systematic prejudice against children), therapist Elisabeth Young-Bruehl writes that one of the clearest signs of a systematic bias against children is the “widespread acquiescence in policies that require future generations to shoulder responsibility for present prosperity.” She writes:

The young have been saddled with a world filled with violence, riddled with economic inequality, and endangered by a disastrous lack of environmental oversight; they must assume a gigantic burden of peacekeeping, legislating fairness, and halting environmental degradation (p. 14).

The last election has shown us that young people are increasingly politically active, expressing concerns over racial injustice, gun violence, climate change, and more. Yet in the 2020 election in California, a proposition that would have extended the vote to 17-year-olds was rejected.

Insulting language and micro-aggressions

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Derogatory language about children is normalized in contemporary society. As Donald Trump increasingly went off the rails, the media often referred to him as a child or—especially damning—a toddler. Surely, if any other demographic were targeted with such an insult, it would be seen as biased and prejudicial.

Even loving caregivers use labels like a “difficult baby” (to whom?), or “the terrible twos” (as if humans shouldn’t strive for autonomy). Teenagers (or iGens) are routinely maligned, as are the prior generation, the millennials. They are talked over, excluded, ignored, and insulted, despite data showing that they are generally inclusive, creative, diverse, accepting, and politically active.

Derogatory language reveals underlying attitudes about children and is especially harmful because of the way human development works. Young children are wired to identify with adults and absorb the discourse around them as normal, as the benchmark of the society they’re learning to enter. Only in adolescence, when they start to individuate, do they have a chance to separate the wheat from the chaff. We place an additional burden on their development when they have to work to shed harmful stereotypes of any kind.

Can we turn a corner?

The Biden-Harris Administration is proposing an overarching “care economy” that recognizes the critical importance of supporting families in caring for their children. A few of their proposals are:

  • A $1.9 trillion American Rescue Plan that could reduce child poverty by 45%, according to an analysis by the Columbia University Center on Poverty and Social Policy.

  •  A commitment to emergency paid sick leave and family and medical leave, which research shows are critical to flattening the curve of Covid-19. The administration has also committed to a permanent 12-week paid family and medical leave policy, allowing families to care for newborns and other family members, and a national paid-sick-days law that makes it easier for people to care for themselves and others when illness strikes.  

  •  Shoring up childcare by reducing costs to families through tax credits and subsidies, and building more childcare centers, including in workplaces. Unpaid caregivers will also receive a tax credit. Importantly, the current administration plans to build up the childcare workforce with better pay, benefits, training, worker protections and career opportunities.

  •  Free, high-quality universal early childhood education for pre-kindergarten three- and four-year-olds. Economists have long recognized that this investment is the best way to improve the economy over the long term.

  •  Making schools hubs for parent and child support by providing more mental health professionals and community resources to families right in school buildings. This is an idea long supported by developmental scientists and educators.

  •  Creating a task force to reunite separated children with their parents, which First Lady Jill Biden will oversee.

There is so much more to do, but these initiatives are hopeful signs that America, at long last, may finally begin to leave harmful approaches to children in the dust bin of history.

In the meantime, adults who raise, guide, and educate children have a powerful role, too. Historian Lloyd deMause documents the history of childhood in his book The Emotional Life of Nations, and he writes that when leaders don’t lead, caregivers can. “Changes in childrearing precede social change,” he reminds us (p. vi). Adult citizen voices are critical to persuading politicians to support families. Informed by developmental science and policy research, Americans can lift up our children, recognize their full humanity, and offer a more stable, successful, and hopeful future for all of us.

 

 (Thumbnail image: Amy Humphries)

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The Transition to Parenthood: What Happened to Me?

photo by Sahil Merchant

photo by Sahil Merchant

"Tell me about the joys of being a new parent," I prompted my niece, whose little baby is five months old. She is 34, works full-time, and is married to my nephew.

The transition to parenthood is profound, as many parents already know. Developmental scientists consider it to be one of the most massive reorganizations in the lifespan, changing the brains, endocrine systems, behaviors, identities, relationships, and more, of everyone involved.

Kelly's answers had a quiet and whimsical grace.

"There is nothing more beautiful in this world than his smile," she said. "Or watching him discover something new. Last night he found the upper register of his voice, so he spent five minutes shrieking at a high pitch, playing around with the newfound note."

Kelly is a beautiful person, so I wasn't surprised to hear her speak appreciatively about her young son. And, in recent and evolving research, scientists are charting a "global parental caregiving network" that gets shaped in a new parent's brain to bring about some of the very thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that Kelly and other new parents experience.

In 2014, Ruth Feldman, a researcher in Israel and at the Yale School of Medicine, conducted an experiment with her colleagues. They went into the homes of 89 new parents, collected samples of oxytocin (the bonding hormone), and videotaped the parents interacting with their newborns. Later, the researchers put the parents in a functional-MRI machine and replayed their videos back to them, observing which parts of parents' brains "lit up" when they saw their own infants (versus videos of unrelated babies) .

The researchers found two main regions of the brain particularly active in new parents. The first is the "emotion-processing network." This is located centrally and developed earlier in evolution than the neocortex (see below). It involves the limbic, or feeling, circuitry and includes:

  • The amygdala, which makes us vigilant and highly focused on survival

  • The oxytocin-producing hypothalamus, which bonds us to our newborns

  • The dopamine system, which rewards us with a squirt of the feel-good hormone to make us motivated and enjoy parenting

All together, this network creates a heightened emotionality in parents in response to their babies. In fact, according to researchers Laura Glynn and Curt Sandman, the volume of gray matter (or number of neural cell bodies) increases in the above regions in new mothers and is associated with their positive feelings toward their infants. (See Glynn and Sandman's review article on brain changes in pregnant mothers.)

The second region is the "mentalizing network" that involves the higher cortex, or the more thinking regions of the brain. This area, along with additional superhighways that develop between the emotion and mentalizing systems, focuses attention and grounds in the present moment: Who couldn't stare at a new baby forever? It also facilitates the ability to "feel into" what a baby needs: Areas of the brain that involve cognitive empathy and the internal imaging of, or resonance with, a baby, light up. These regions help a parent read nonverbal signals, infer what a baby might be feeling and what he/she might need, and even plan for what might be needed later in the future (long-term goals). These regions are also associated with multitasking and better emotion regulation. In other words, parents' brains are remodeled to protect, attune with, and plan for their infants.

Other research has found that hormonal changes in pregnant women dampen their physical and psychological stress response, as if to make more space to tune in to their babies' needs.

But along with all these changes, there seems to be a collateral cognitive hit: In a meta-analysis of 17 studies, 80% of women reported impaired aspects of memory (recall and executive function) that began in pregnancy and persisted into the postpartum period.

photo by Kelly Merchant

photo by Kelly Merchant

Mothers aren't the only ones whose brains are remodeled. The brains of fathers, too, light up in ways that nonparents' brains don't. Feldman and her colleagues found that while the emotion processing network is most active in the biological mothers she studied, it is the mentalizing networks that are more active in the brains of fathers who are co-parenting alongside moms. The more fathers engage in caregiving tasks, the more oxytocin they produce, and the stronger the activation in the mentalizing areas of the brain.

Interestingly, in gay dads who are primary caregivers (half of Feldman's subjects), both emotion and mentalizing systems were highly activated by engaging in parenting. (For more on how parenting changes fathers' brains, I recommend the fun read, Do Fathers Matter? What Science is Telling Us about the Parent We've Overlooked, by Paul Raeburn.)

In other words, parenting is a very plastic and flexible process. While pregnancy prepares a mother's brain for parenting, the act of caregiving can produce upticks in oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and create neurological changes that support parenting in many adults--dads, adoptive parents, and other alloparents (any caregiving adults).

photo by Kelly Merchant

photo by Kelly Merchant

Kelly's husband Sahil is open about the new feelings he's having as a dad. "Winnie [short for Winter] is a curious, cheerful little person, and watching him develop and experience the world for the first time brings me endless amusement and joy. With Winnie, I've found new depths of love--it feels like a very biologically driven emotion."

While he is drinking in the sweet elixir of his baby, Sahil is also running his feelings through the thought circuitries. "Besides being afraid of the regular things--injury, illness, and such--I am also sad that his innocence will inevitably be eroded over time, and that he will inevitably experience all the various pains involved in growing into an adult."

Kelly admires her husband's changes and says that one of her greatest joys is "watching my husband develop into an incredibly loving, nurturing, and giving father."

Parents, naturally, continue to develop as individuals, and the arrival of a baby stimulates self-reflection. Observing Winnie moved Kelly to reflect on what must also have been the miracle of her own beginnings. "I'm fascinated by the fact that I, too, floated in a sack of amniotic fluid; that I, too, saw my hand for the first time and probably stared at it for 30 minutes straight, waving it in the air. Or that I, too, might have been startled by my own sneeze, or gas, or yawn."

Sahil says, "Having a child has given my life more meaning. For example, rather than working to earn money just for myself, to purchase various objects and experiences, I now have a great reason to do so. I'm more careful now, too. I have a child who depends on me, so I feel like I need to take better care of myself, so that I can be my best possible self to take care of Winnie."

Challenges

The joys of parenting are often felt more deeply than almost any other feeling humans are capable of having. But the challenges are great, too. "Every mom I knew was surprised by the impact of becoming a parent and wished she knew more about coping with it," writes Jan Hanson in Mother Nurture: A Mother's Guide to Health in Body, Mind, and Intimate Relationships. Hanson is a nutritionist who co-authored the book with her husband, the neuropsychologist Rick Hanson, as well as OB/GYN Ricki Pollycove.

There are challenges to parents' physical health: recovery from pregnancy and delivery, the adjustment to breastfeeding, disturbed nutrition, fatigue, and insufficient sleep. As you would expect, Kelly reports that trying to stay rational, keep conflicts down, and drive safely are difficult on three hours' sleep and/or when she's been up, exhausted, since 4 A.M. She is experiencing what researchers know: That proper sleep is critical to health and well-being, including mood, decision-making, performance, and safety.

There are psychological adjustments to the new parenting role, too. Some parents need time to recover from a difficult or complicated birth process. For some, parenting demands can trigger strong unresolved feelings from childhood, especially if it was traumatic or troubled. Hormonal changes, along with sleeplessness and the constant demands of a new baby, can create surprising new feelings, too: anger, sadness, feeling trapped or isolated--even guilt, fear, and inadequacy. Some parents have to wrestle with having lost a previous child, or perhaps they are parenting a difficult or differently abled child. Kathleen Kendall-Tackett writes about these psychological challenges, and more, in The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood: Coping with Stress, Depression, and Burnout.

Having a new child introduces new challenges to the parents as a couple. Conflicts often increase in a relationship after the birth of a child, in part due to the "roommate hassles" of who will do what in the household as well as disagreements about parenting styles. Sometimes the sense of intimacy, closeness, and sexuality in a relationship can get derailed with the arrival of a little one. Couples are challenged to re-synchronize their relationship and develop a new sense of teamwork.

The couples who are most at risk for serious problems after the birth of a child, write parenting scholars Carolyn Pape Cowan and Philip Cowan in their book When Partners Become Parents, are those who were on the rocks before the child came along. Becoming a parent amplifies any pre-existing fissures in the relationship. Especially problematic are poor communication patterns--where one stonewalls, digs in, and/or refuses to budge, while the other escalates. In contrast, couples who have productive ways of working out new difficulties and challenges do the best adjusting.

After the arrival of a child, there are new logistics to deal with: new strains in managing a household, financial and legal concerns, when and how to go back to work, and figuring out childcare. Like many contemporary mothers, Kelly experiences the challenges as coming from both sides: the struggle to feel okay going back to work after three months versus the struggle to feel okay staying home without being criticized as a poor worker or an anti-feminist.

New parents also undergo a rearrangement of their social life, including how they interact with extended family and friends. Some friendship networks get reconfigured (not all childless people want to hang out with new parents). Kelly noticed that other people changed in their relationship to her as she became a parent. Many people offered unsolicited opinions, especially on the topics of sleep and clothing: "At times it felt that anyone who had once been a mother felt the need to say that my baby should put on more clothing. Even in 90-degree weather when he was sweating! And I was quite happy to be co-sleeping with Winter, but I was made to feel guilty about this on many occasions. Sleep is such a touchy topic, and many people tried to convince us to get Winter into a crib if we wanted what was best for him." Kelly found support from her sister who encouraged her to be firm about her internal compass in the face of many differing opinions: "Your only option is to learn to listen to yourself and know that you know your situation, and what works for your family, better than anyone else." Kelly adds that the most helpful exchanges are ones where she is encouraged to share how things are going, and in return hear a similar story and outcome. "Not only does it feel good to know I'm not alone in this, it educates me about what works much better than direct advice."

Rick and Jan Hanson and Ricki Polycove have seen so many thoroughly exhausted mothers in their practices that they identified a "depeleted mother syndrome," a condition where the mother's "outpouring, stresses, vulnerabilities, and low resources" are so overwhelming as to "drain and dysregulate her body."

The solution they recommend is threefold, focusing on lowering parenting demands, increasing supportive resources, and building resilience. Rick Hanson is a thorough, compassionate, skilled, and practical therapist, and Mother Nurture is therapy in a book: From one-minute soothers, to resolving childhood issues, there is much help in the way of cognitive, neurological, and commonsense approaches. Among other things, he provides suggestions for :

  • taking care of your body

  • small daily practices to improve outlook

  • reframing circumstances

  • concrete problem solving approaches

  • transforming painful emotions from the past

  • problem-solving sleep

  • vitamins to help with the nervous system

  • assessing neurotransmitters

  • staying connected to your partner with empathy

  • sharing the load

  • maintaining intimacy

  • healing hurt feelings

photo by Crystal Hanson

photo by Crystal Hanson

Kelly noticed that just as her identity started changing as a parent, there was a tendency for people to converse with her exclusively about motherhood. She was naturally thrilled that her loved ones were excited about Winnie, yet she longed for relationships that also nurtured her individual identity as a painter, a counselor, yoga enthusiast, and traveller. 

As an American, Kelly is not alone in this experience. Kathleen Kendall-Tackett writes that in many non-industrialized countries, the postpartum period is a special time of "mothering the mother." New mothers are considered especially vulnerable so their activities are limited, they're relieved of normal work, and they stay relatively secluded with their babies while other relatives take care of them. Along with that extra care, there are special rituals and gifts that mark this as an important period. American mothers, in contrast, are quickly released from the hospital and are often even expected to entertain guests who come to visit the new baby. That difference in support, Kendall-Tackett says, is why in industrialized countries about 50-80% of new mothers experience the "baby blues," and another 15-25% have full-blown postpartum depression. In more traditional cultures where new mothers are exclusively nurtured, postpartum depression is "virtually non-existent."

Kelly agrees: "A mother needs to be nurtured and cared for because she is doing nothing for herself at this point. Everything is being given to the baby and I find little time to do things like even wash my hair or take a bath. Or connect with a friend. Even getting a hug from my husband can be hard in those times when a baby is especially demanding. When I do get that hug, I need it more than ever before."

The transition to parenthood is a huge transformation. And America, with no comprehensive child-family policy and no federal paid family leave policy--is a particularly unsupportive place to have a child. But the accumulating research is pointing to just how sensitive and important this period is for families. With a little knowledge and some foresight, parents-to-be, and their loved ones, can better plan for the transition. The rise in popularity of the postpartum doula (a person, usually a woman, who is trained to help new families in the home) is a step in the right direction.

Rick Hanson encourages new mothers--and fathers--to insist that others take their needs seriously. "Treat yourself like you matter," he says.

 

* * * * *

 

Further reading (some of these are oldies but still goodies):

On coping with the challenging feelings of becoming a new parent:

On becoming a father:

The US Government Should Step Up and Join the Rest of the Modern World in Helping New Families

photo by D. Divecha

When my first baby was born, I had already studied children's development for seven years. Yet I felt unprepared. When the baby first pooped, my husband and I rang for the hospital nurse; when it came to breastfeeding, I needed to be shown how to position everything. Heading home, part of me was in disbelief that, as two-day-old parents, we could take this little person away unsupervised.

My family was halfway across the country; my husband's was halfway around the world. Both of us worked full-time, and I was on a six-week disability leave from my job. I had no help, and the clock was ticking. In those first few weeks, I couldn't get out of my nightgown. Our bed was an explosion of laundry, food, mail, papers, bills, and diapers. And the shape of the day, once driven by work, flattened to the rapid recycling of a newborn's needs, in addition to a few basic ones of our own.

Three years later I was pregnant with our second child and in a new academic job, in a department of 15 or so men and one other woman. On the advice of a "work-life balance expert," I had requested to teach one fewer course so that I would have some time for parenting--and who better to do this than a developmental psychologist? I felt radical--for a second--until the university countered by prorating both my salary and my progress to tenure. The arrangement was unprecedented there, and my status quickly became labeled The Mommy Track.

Back in 1991, a pregnant academic was rare (unheard of in my department, as far as I knew) and my male colleagues treated me with a curious distance.

"I feel like there's so much estrogen in the room," one commented in a faculty meeting.

"I'm impressed that you can be so pregnant and smart at the same time," another complimented.

It was not uncommon for my lunch to go missing from the refrigerator; most of my colleagues didn't recognize their own lunch bags, since their wives packed them. I not only packed my own but also packed my preschooler's lunch, prepped for dinner, and left the day's instructions for the sitter, all by the time I left home at 6AM.

photo by D. Divecha

When the second baby was born, I took a three-month leave-without-pay from work, and this time I recruited my mother-in-law from India to help us at home. I wanted time to settle in, and now had an idea of what that would take.  I needed to figure out new care arrangements, get to know my baby's signals, keep up with the physical demands of two little ones, recover physically, get some sleep. I wanted the older child to feel secure, I wanted space to learn about the second one, and I wanted to have enough love left to give to my husband. Most of all, I wanted to protect the inner spaciousness that would allow me into the altered state of consciousness that was my children's world, and that would keep me connected to the exquisite beauty of all that was happening.

I let my department know of the successful delivery of our second daughter. One colleague called to congratulate me. The secretary sent a plant. At the end of three months, I returned to work bearing sweets (determined that my colleagues acknowledge this birth) and my breast pump.

Anyone who is employed and has children knows the seismic pressures involved in the transformation to becoming a family. I took a hit financially and professionally, and I absorbed the micro-aggressions, but I returned to work. Many people, however, are forced into the Solomonesque choice between caring for their children and making a living. Unfortunately, American workplaces lag behind--way behind--the rest of the world in acknowledging and supporting this transition. This month, the 22nd anniversary of the Family and Medical Leave Act, I wrote an op-ed piece with my colleague Robin Stern, about why it is so important to children's development that the government protect and support families with adequate paid parental leave.

The thread that begins to be spun between baby and caregiver--that will grow and anchor and support the child throughout life--needs time, space, and attention. The quality of that thread determines the all-important "startup" process, and it also echoes throughout the lifespan in mental and physical health, relationship choices, and more.

Supporting families is an efficient investment in the nation's future.

 

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